


Trust (Is a Delicate Thing)

by notcool



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Deceit | Janus Sanders Needs a Hug, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Or is trying to be, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Self-Esteem Issues, Sickfic, remus is just being protective boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28497060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notcool/pseuds/notcool
Summary: In theory, it should be simple: need help, ask for help, get help. Theory, however, was not accounting for Janus' pride (or his definite belief that, no matter what may have been said, the others don't want him around)
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Everyone
Comments: 17
Kudos: 142
Collections: Sickfic





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Take Care of You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25758067) by [ArteaCactus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArteaCactus/pseuds/ArteaCactus). 



> I've read the fic "Take Care of You" by ArteaCactus a bazillion times now and that (in particular those first few paragraphs where Janus is trying to theorize how the heck this is happening) is what inspired this one am disaster you're now getting. In two parts cause the first half is coherent but the later it gets the less i know how to words so I'll be editing the second half tomorrow for y'all :)

_ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough. _

_ \- Frank Crane _

\-------

Janus hadn't meant for it to get this bad - truly, he hadn't!

It’s just that, well… he had no idea what he was doing, and was hardly going to admit that to anyone.

It had started nearly four days ago, less than a week after he’d given Thomas his name, when he’d woken up three hours later than normal with his head pounding and the distinct feeling that if he tried to eat anything it would definitely come back up.

He’d laid there another hour or so, eyes closed and jaw clenched as he willed his stomach to stop churning, but to no avail.

The main problem with this whole situation was the fact that Janus had never in his life had to deal with illness.

Thomas had been sick plenty of times, and he’d even seen the lights sides occasionally caught by some stomach bug, so it’s not like the concept was completely foreign to him, but Janus himself had never been afflicted by so much as a simple cold.

Due to the just  _ wonderous _ timing, Janus heavily suspected revealing his name to Thomas was somehow connected, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out how.

Perhaps Thomas beginning to view him as more human than monster had left him vulnerable? He might have actually been able to come up with a plausible theory if he had been able to think properly, but alas, that wasn’t easy to do when the very act of existing made his entire body revolt.

He had half the mind to track down Remus and ask the dark twin to just hit him over the head with that morningstar of his - surely unconsciousness was better than restless pain. Really, the only reason he hadn't done so was the fact that to find Remus he would not only have to stand, but to walk, and the simple thought of even moving had a spike of pain stabbing at his temples.

Looking back on it, it was obvious he should have gone for help (actual help, not friendly blunt force trauma) that first day, but if there was one thing Janus held above all else it was his pride.

Sometime during the second day he’d managed to stumble into his bathroom and drink some water by cupping his shaking hands under the faucet. It wasn’t the most dignified, but in Janus’ opinion it was better than having to ask for assistance from people he knew wanted nothing to do with him.

Once more he considered finding Remus, but, same as Janus, the dark twin had never had to deal with the icky abhorrence that was sickness, and other than being able to bring Janus water or food, wouldn’t be able to do much.

Janus did not at all consider such things worth revealing his weakened, feeble state for, and had simply gritted his teeth against the growing nausea and staggered back to his bed, practically collapsing into the disheveled covers.

Day three was spent mostly half-conscious, tossing and turning and somehow constantly feeling too hot and too cold all at once. At one point he’d been sure he was going to throw up, and had spent nearly an hour leaning over the edge of the bed where he’d managed to tug the small trash can from under his desk, panting breathlessly only to find himself completely limp and unable to even lift his head when his stomach finally settled enough for him to roll back over.

By the fourth day, Janus knew he needed help, no matter how much he didn’t want it.

Lack of food and water had sapped greatly at what little energy he had left, and he feared if this went on much longer he might well succumb to dehydration.

Technically, sides couldn’t die… permanently, anyway.

They would reform shortly after dispersing, and though Janus had never died himself, he knew from what had happened when Virgil died before that it was  _ not _ a pleasant experience.

Janus would never be able to get that memory out of his head; a preteen Virgil screaming for hours on end as his form was reconstructed cell by cell, sobbing for Janus to help him, to do something, anything, and all young Janus could do was sit there and hold him. And cry, although he refused to acknowledge that fact out loud, held hostage by his own pride even at thirteen years old.

So no, Janus was not keen on dying, not when there was a way out… if an undesirable one.

It was simple enough. He just needed to get out of his room and to the common area. Which was up a flight of stairs. And given that his bedside clock said it was four in the morning, there wouldn’t be anyone up there anyway.

All the light side’s bedrooms were up another flight of stairs from the common area. Remus’ room was just down the hall on the same floor as Janus’, but the dark twin only rarely actually slept there, preferring to camp out in the Imagination where he could see the stars.

Janus was suddenly choking back the urge to cry, tears hot and stinging as they blurred what was left of his swimming vision, determined to fall.

Even his own bedroom door seemed so far away, the possibility of him making it to the common area exceedingly far fetched. There was no way he would be able to make it to someone’s room, and even if he somehow did, there was no guarantee that they would even help him.

Maybe he could get to Virgil’s room? Virgil and he had their… uh,  _ differences _ , but Virgil wouldn’t just shut him out, wouldn’t just close the door in his face when Janus was this desperate, this weak, right? ...Right?

At the very least Virgil would go and find Remus, wouldn’t leave him completely alone…

Well, he hoped. He wanted to think that, but he had no way to know for sure.

Damnit. He was crying now.

He blinked several times, trying to clear his vision enough to focus on his bedroom door, on his first obstacle. If he could get through that door, he was a third of the way to help.

_ Only a third. _

Janus bit back a sob, doing his best to focus, focus, focus…

He pulled himself to the edge of the bed, reaching out with a trembling arm to brace himself on the nightstand as he swung his legs to the floor. His entire body was shaking, and his legs wobbled dangerously under him as he pushed himself to his feet, leaning heavily on the nightstand.

It was slow going, and Janus thought he might be crying again (from emotional or physical pain he wasn’t sure), and it was all he could do to shuffle along the edge of the room to the door, using the wall as support.

He pawed at the wood, taking far too long to catch hold of the doorknob, and instantly regretted ever moving as the door swung open and he was blinded by the bright white of the hallway lights, which, for  _ some _ bloody reason, had been left on.

He jerked back with a cry, losing his balance once away from the wall and dropping to the floor. It hurt it hurt it  _ hurt _ !

Janus curled on his side, drawing his arms up over his face to try and block out the light. He knew he must look pathetic, but couldn’t bring himself to care through the pain.

His stomach was churning again, and he heard a high whimper that took him a moment to realize he’d made.

On second thought, maybe dying wasn’t so bad. At least then he could be sure the torment would end… 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this was supposed to be two chapters but the second one just kept growing so i'm breaking it into three now

“Janny? Janny, wake up!”

Remus had felt a lot of things before, but the way his heart was screaming in his chest at that moment wasn’t something he could say he was familiar with.

Fear, he supposed, but even that didn’t seem like a strong enough word. Terror? Panic? 

It didn’t matter, really. The only thing that mattered was Janus, who was pale and unresponsive in his arms.

Remus had woken up rather early, lazily watching the sun in the Imagination rise and the stars fade into the haze. He’d wandered around a bit, taking his time on the trail back to the door, pausing for a quick spar with the twelve foot tall praying mantis he’d created on a whim the day before.

He’d returned to his room a little past seven, locking the door to the Imagination behind him and deciding it would be fun to go stick his hand in a blender. With any luck Janus wasn’t awake and out of his room yet - the snake was always trying to keep him from having any fun.

Speaking of Janus, Remus hadn't seen the snake in a couple days. It wasn’t unusual for Janus to bury himself in work for extended periods of time, especially when stressed, but four days (if Remus was counting correctly) was starting to push it.

Maybe he’d go pester Deceit, drag the serpent out for some mandatory socialization. After he stuck his hand in a blender though.

Already going through his mental catalogue of all the sharp objects in the house, Remus left his room and started down the hall towards the dark side’s kitchen, but caught something out of the corner of his eye.

He turned, frowning at Janus’ door, which was ajar. The lights in the room were off, and Remus frowned. Janus _never_ left his door open. Something wasn’t sitting right in his stomach.

Carefully he approached the door, leaning to peer into the pitch black of the room. “Jan-Jan? You in here?”

Silence.

Remus, between worry for his best friend and his general disregard for any sort of tact, didn’t even wait a full thirty seconds before reaching his arm inside, slapping at the wall around where he knew the light switch was.

The lights flickered on, and it was then that the dark twin’s heart started racing.

Janus was curled up on the floor, paler than Remus had ever seen him, and that’s when Remus’ heart had started to race.

So here he was, a limp Janus pulled across his lap, eyes watering with unfamiliar emotion as his mind flew, trying to think what to do.

Janus was pale and sweaty, burning with fever and breaths shallow and scratchy, but Remus hadn't been able to find any injuries, and was at a complete loss.

It kind of reminded him of that time Thomas had the flu really badly, but that couldn’t be right, neither he or Janus had ever been sick in their lives, and Virgil had shared that record up until he was accepted by Thomas…

...Thomas! Thomas could help!

Remus wiped frantically at his eyes with his sleeve and hurriedly gathered Janus into his arms, careful to prop the snake’s head against his shoulder so it wouldn’t loll as they stood. “It’s gonna be okay, Jan-Jan.” Remus muttered, as much to himself as his friend. “Thomas’ll know what to do about… this.”

\-------

When Remus rose up in front of the tv in Thomas’ living room, he found Thomas wasn’t alone.

Thomas was sitting on the couch, half-awake, looking very annoyed as Patton and Logan argued in front of him, Logan holding a box of fruit loops above his head to keep them out of Patton’s reach.

Thomas saw him first, eyes lighting up at the potential escape from the current discussion, but only for a fraction of a second. The second he’d properly taken both dark sides in, his expression fell, eyes widening. “Remus!”

Logan and Patton immediately spun to face him, and Remus recolided slightly, fixing them both with a harsh glare as he pulled Janus tighter against his chest.

Thomas jumped to his feet, but between the other sides and the coffee table was boxed in, and he just kind of stood there waving his hands helplessly.

Remus hadn't expected the others to be here, but, well, he’d come for Thomas, and there Thomas was. Setting his jaw, Remus rounded the coffee table, shoving past Patton to set Janus ( _gently, gently, gently-_ ) on the couch and lay him back to prop his head up on the armrest.

Thomas was immediately right up against Remus’ shoulder, hands still flitting around in a panic. Patton and Logan had also come right up behind him, but Remus made the executive decision to pretend they weren’t there.

“What happened?!” Thomas looked near-panic. It probably wouldn’t be long before Virgil joined the party

“I don’t know.” Remus did his best to keep his tone steady. “He was like this on the floor. Possibly for several days…”

“Days?!” Patton cried, probably making that kicked puppy expression like he always did when distressed, but Remus didn’t actually look.

“Well?” He blinked at Thomas expectantly. “Help him!”

A touch of desperation seeped into his voice despite his efforts, but Remus couldn’t find the time to care just then. Thomas had to know what to do, right?

“Wh-what’s wrong with him?” Thomas asked. “Like is he injured or is this some weird side-related-malfunction or- or what?”

“I don’t know!” Remus snapped, completely foregoing all resolve to shield his emotions. “I told you - he was just on the floor!”

“He has a fever.” Logan said, sounding himself a little less emotionless than usual.

Remus glanced to the side and found the logical side’s hand on Janus’ forehead. He slapped the hand away, baring his teeth. “ _Don’t_ touch him!”

Logan didn’t seem deterred, but Patton shrank back.

“Uh- Remus?” Thomas’ voice had his head snapping back around. “Logan can help better than I can. He literally has all my knowledge… please, whatever’s wrong with Janus, Logan will probably be able to do a lot more than me.”

Remus looked between the host and the logical side, eyes narrowed. It was a sound argument, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. With a sneer he stepped back, pointing a testing finger at Patton. “ _You_ stay away from him though.” He turned to point at Logan. “And I’m watching you. Hurt him and I’ll chop you up and feed you to my carnivorous sunflowers.”

Logan adjusted his glasses, already crouching beside the couch to look Janus over and not even sparing the dark twin a disappointed glance. “I can assure you, Remus, I have no intentions of harming anyone, least of all one of my fellow sides. You have nothing to fear.”

“Carnivorous sunflowers?” Patton squeaked.

Under any other circumstance, Remus would have been delighted by an opportunity to terrorize Morality with gruesome descriptions of the monstrous plants that permeated his half of the Imagination, but right then he was too focused, carefully judging Logic’s every move for potential threats to his snake.

Thomas hovered at Logan’s side, there if his help was needed, but more so to assure Remus, if just by being there.

After a minute or two of looking over Janus (and occasionally poking him) Logan sat back, frowning. He was still a moment, thinking, then slid an arm under Janus’ back, moving him.

Remus stepped forward, a growl building in his chest, but Thomas shot him a look and he, grudgingly, left Logan un-maimed for the time being.

Logan didn’t pick Janus up, though, only rearranged him on the couch so he wasn’t curled into himself and could lay flat on his back.

“...Well?” Remus asked after a moment.

Once more, Logan didn’t even bother looking back. “He does not appear to be injured, but he is severely dehydrated, likely in combination with some sort of illness.”

“I-uh,” Patton shifted from foot to foot, dutifully keeping his distance from the couch although it was obvious he wanted to be closer. “I’ll go get some water, I guess? Is that good? Would tea be better?”

“Some kind of broth would be ideal,” Logan replied. “If he hasn’t been able to access or keep down water, it is unlikely he has eaten recently.”

“I’ll make some broth then.” Patton scurried to the kitchen, making sure to keep a wide berth around the dark twin.

“He’s sick?” Thomas frowned. “Why didn’t he come to one of us? This kind of sickness doesn’t just happen in a snap.”

Remus couldn’t help but scoff - not that he tried too hard to hold it back, either. “Yeah, ‘come to one of us’ - have you even met Jan-Jan?” He rolled his eyes when Thomas and Logan only blinked at him in confusion. “Ya know what, just-” he flicked both hands in a shooing motion “-fuck off a little.”

Whether they would have moved on their own, Remus didn’t know, because before he’d even finished the sentence he was pushing both of them aside, lifting Janus’ shoulders long enough to sit on the couch and then settle the snake back onto his lap.

There was quiet for a short moment, before a spike of cold ran through the room, the shadows in the corners darkening. 

“The hell is going on?” Virgil stepped out of thin air into his usual place on the landing, hood up and eyeshadow dark, shoulders hunched in on himself.

Thomas jumped, but Remus and Logan were unfazed.

Virgil’s eyes darted around the room, catching on Remus, then flickering down to Janus. “What are _they_ doing here?!”

Remus’ lips curled into a snarl, and he wrapped his arms around Janus’ limp form, pulling his snake close to his chest.

“There is no need to be distressed, Virgil.” Logan said smoothly, adjusting his glasses in that oh so matter-of-fact way only he could manage. “At least not on Thomas’ behalf; Remus and Janus are here for our assistance.”

“A...assistance?” Virgil shifted, suddenly uncertain. He glanced to Logan and Thomas, but his focus was mainly on the two dark sides on the couch. “What…?” He stepped forward cautiously, toes brushing the top of the first stair. “What’s going on? Why are you all… why is Janus… is- is Janus hurt?”

The panic was back full force, simply shifted from anger to worry. Virgil stumbled off the landing and came part way across the room, stopping barely in arm’s reach of Thomas. 

“Oh- oh god, what-what-”

“Virgil!” Patton leaned around the kitchen doorway, waving hurriedly. “It’s alright, Virge. Janus is gonna be just fine, he just needs some rest, okay?”

“Correct.” Logan quickly spoke before Virgil’s attention was gone. “Janus is uninjured as far as any of us can tell. He has come down with some illness that perhaps has left him at less than optimal health, but-”

“Less than optimal?” Virgil cried, hands leaving the safety of his hoodie pockets to wave frantically at the couch. “He’s- he’s not moving!”

Remus stayed quiet save for a low growl, absently petting at Janus’ head where it was leaned on his shoulder as he watched and waited.

“Hey, Virge.” Thomas took a step towards the anxious side, holding up his hands so as not to seem threatening. “Look at me. He’s gonna be alright, okay? Logan seems to think a lot of the problem is that he’s dehydrated, so we’re gonna get some liquid in his and he should shape up soon after.”

“But he- but I-”

“Virgil,” Patton called again from the kitchen, softer this time. “Everything’s going to be fine. It’s kinda crowded in there, kiddo, why don’t you come help me with the broth for Janus?”

Virgil swallowed, looking between everyone. “I…”

“You’ll be right there if we need you.” Thomas assured. “You go help Patton, the three of us will keep an eye on him.”

Virgil looked around again, nose scrunching in discontent, but after a moment he nodded. “Yeah, I’ll uh… I’ll do that.”

With a final concerned glance to Janus (or, what of Janus he could see. The duke had practically wrapped his entire self around Deceit at this point) he shoved his hands back in his pockets and shuffled to the kitchen.

Remus watched him go, honestly not sure what to think. On the one hand, Virgil was genuinely distressed at Janus’ condition, and obviously wanted to help. On the other hand, Remus was already having enough trouble reining in his protective drive to let Logan, a neutral party, even touch Janus. He didn’t think he had the willpower to just sit back and let Virgil - who had, at best, a rocky relationship with both himself and Janus - come right up to an unconscious Deceit.

Well, it was what it was, he supposed. He’d just focus on not biting Logan’s hands off on instinct, and if anyone else caused problems, he’d burn that bridge when he got to it.

“Remus,” Logan said, “it would be best if you would lie him back down. Being surrounded by body heat is not going to help us lower his fever.”

Remus made a face, but, per usual, the logical side made sense. He carefully uncurled around from Janus’ body, settling the snake back down on the couch, head rested in Remus’ lap.

“Should I get a cool cloth or something like that?” Thomas asked. 

“That is not a bad idea,” Logan hummed.

Thomas disappeared to go fetch a cloth and water (and whatever else he might find on his way), and Logan moved to sit on the couch, leaving some space between him and Remus, but being close enough to touch if he reached out.

“I admit, I would not have expected you to be this… affectionate, Remus.”

Remus frowned, following Logan’s gaze to where his own hand was still carding through Janus’ hair. 

“It’s not a bad thing.” Logan continued, and if Remus didn’t know better he would have sworn the logical side smiled a little. “Just… surprising.”

“I’m not ‘affectionate’.” Remus managed to grate out. The fact that he didn’t stop running his fingers through Janus’ hair did not at all assist the hostile vibes he was trying to give off.

“Of course not.” Logan - was that a _smirk_?

Remus decided he had more important things to do than look too far into that. He snapped his gaze back down to Janus, resolving to keep it there.

Janus. Janus needed him. That was all that mattered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Janus is very confused, the light sides are doing their best to be helpful, and Remus is a good friend (albeit in a rather Remus way)

Janus wasn’t quite sure where he was, or what was going on, but he definitely knew he didn’t like it.

Everything was too loud, voices all around when the pounding in his head pleaded for quiet. He was cold, but also too hot, and his chest burned with every shallow breath he managed.

The only solace was the presence that was wrapped around him, a protective barrier between him and the world, a strong warmth holding him tight and he knew he could trust it not to let go.

Trust? Since when did he trust anyone to do anything?

Well, anything he wanted at least. He could trust Patton to love too deeply, Logan to overwork himself, Roman to doubt himself at every turn, Virgil to jump at shadows, Remus to get entangled in the mess that was Thomas’ subconscious trying to sort through ideas…

Sure, he could trust them. Trust them to do the exact opposite of what was good for them  _ and _ for Thomas, at times seemingly simply to spite him.

The thought left a bitter taste on his tongue, and Janus coughed weakly in an attempt to expel it.

The voices abruptly ceased, and Janus took a deep, relieved breath at the blissful quiet, however short-lived.

“Janus?”

There was a hand in his hair, fingers firm but exceedingly gentle as they carded through slowly, questioningly.

He knew that voice, didn’t he? That was a good voice. A bit grating on the ears but soft and comforting on his chest.

“Janus?” This was a different voice than the first. He recognized it as well, but the vague memory of emotion attached to it was painful, and Janus flinched away without really meaning to.

“I think it might be best if you stayed back, Virgil.” A third voice. This one invoked little emotion, positive or negative. “We shouldn’t crowd him.”

The hand in his hair stopped its methodical stroking, moving to cup the back of his neck as Janus found himself being shifted to sit up.

“Can you hear me, Janus?” The neutral voice asked, smooth and borderline professional. “You are dehydrated - drinking something should rectify enough of your state so that we may focus on whatever other problems you have.”

“Janny?” A hand on his cheek, calloused thumb brushing light circles over his scales. “Come on, Jan, open your eyes. I need you to drink this, as much as you can, okay?”

It took Janus a minute to process the words. Open his eyes. He could do that, right? It was easy! ...In theory.

He struggled for another minute, finally managing to crack one eye open enough to see the blur of a face above him. 

“...Remus?” Why was Remus in his room? God, his throat hurt… Wait, this wasn’t his room. Too bright for that. Too loud. Too crowded.

“Yeah.” Even blurred, Remus was obviously distressed, smile shaky and eyes darting even more than usual. “I’m right here Janny. You stay awake for me now, Logan’s gonna help you drink.”

Logan? What was going on? Was he… in Remus’ lap?

But there was a warm mug at his lips, and suddenly Janus found himself extremely thirsty and unable to focus on anything but that fact.

“Slowly,” a voice - Logan, he assumed - chided, stubbornly keeping the mug only slightly tilted when Janus tried to lean forward to chase it.

The mug was pulled away far too soon, and Janus couldn’t help but whine a little at the loss, trying hard to focus properly so he could see where it had gone.

The mug was nowhere to be seen, Remus and Logan’s faces hovering close, blocking out most his line of sight anyway. Janus finally registered the soft circles being drawn on his side, and looking down he found Remus’ arms wrapped snugly around him, holding him securely as though he were fragile and might break if allowed to move too much.

Maybe Remus had the right idea - Janus’ chest was overwhelmingly heavy, and tears were building up without any reason he could discern, threatening to spill over if he so much as blinked too hard.

He felt, for lack of a better word, horrible.

Remus was talking to someone, and Janus mentally shook himself, struggling to tune back into what they were saying.

The words - all sounds, really - were far away, wavering and blurred like a desert heat, but from what he could make out Janus was pretty sure Remus was trying to bite someone. 

He should probably do something about that.

“…you or him?!”

“Take your pick, teach. It ain’t gonna be pretty either way.”

“Nobody’s biting anybody!”

“Speak for yourself!”

“Okay, okay, can we at least  _ try _ to get along guys?”

Janus drew in a deep, painful breath, and in a burst of energy he most definitely didn’t have he jerked his head upright and hissed as loudly and as threateningly as he could. “Will everyone jussst  _ sssssshut up _ !”

The room fell blissfully silent, and Janus fell back into Remus’ chest with a sigh. His throat and chest were aching in retaliation for the hiss, head spinning and vision nearly overrun with white splotches, but no one was talking, so it was worth it in the moment.

A cool hand rested against his neck, and Janus almost leaned into it before his brain reminded him that Remus ran hot - meaning that was  _ not _ Remus’ hand. Tucked up against Remus how he was, though, he couldn’t pull away either.

The thought drew another hiss from his lungs, low and soft, but undoubtedly a warning. The hand abruptly pulled away.

There was only a short moment of peace before Logan’s voice broke the silence, hovering far too near for Janus’ liking. “Janus, if you can hear me, you need to sit up properly to drink more. You will be unable to recover if you remain dehydrated.”

Stupid Logan and his stupid rational thought process.

Janus gave a small nod, closing his eyes against the spots of light as Remus once more shifted him upright.

The mug was back, and now that he was more coherent Janus was pretty sure Logan was the one holding it, but he didn’t look to check - the last thing he wanted was to have to look Logan in the eyes when he was so weak the logical side literally had to hold his cup for him.

Well, at least it was Logan. If it had to be anybody, Logan would be Janus’ first choice. Calm, professional, punctual. 

Of course, it was then that Roman and Virgil decided to make their presence known by exchanging hushed whispers from somewhere across the room.

Janus choked on the mouthful of broth he’d been about to swallow, grabbing onto Remus’ shoulder as he jerked upright sputtering.

Logan, somehow, had managed to snatch the mug away before Janus could hit it out of his hands, and was now sitting back on his heels beside the sofa, eyes wide and blinking.

Janus drew in deep, if uneven breaths, slowly taking in Thomas’ living room, where it seemed literally everyone he’d been avoiding had decided to congregate.

Roman and Virgil standing in an awkward side-hug by the television, Patton frozen in the doorway to the kitchen, Thomas himself perched on the other end of the couch, looking like he wanted to jump up.

“Well issn’t thissss jussst  _ lovely _ .” Janus tried for a sneer, but was pretty sure it came out as more of a grimace. To add to the fun, it seemed there would be no keeping the sepentesque trill from his speech, throat too raw from days of coughing to comply.

“Jan?” Remus said, uncharacteristically soft. “I’m all for ripping people’s limbs off, but I kinda need my arm right now.”

Janus blinked, looking down to where he was gripping Remus’ upper arm more than hard enough to cut off the circulation. It so happened Remus’ arms were one of the main reasons he was still upright at the moment, so he should probably not mess that up.

“Sss...sssorry.” He murmured, having to make a conscious effort to release his death grip.

Remus only nodded and gave his shoulder a small pat with his other hand, an once again the room was plunged into icy silence.

It made Janus’ skin crawl. He didn’t have to look up to know everyone was staring at him with wide, questioning eyes, and sure, he was used to an audience - he was a performer, after all - but this was all the wrong kinds of attention and the way he could feel the concern practically  _ radiating _ towards him made him want to squirm.

Nope, he didn’t want to be here! He wanted to be back in his room, where it was cool and dark and  _ empty _ , consequences to his health be damned.

Being consistently dismissed by them was one thing. He knew how to deal with that at least, knew what to feel. Anger, jealousy, disdain. But this? This was uncharted territory.

“Well then!” Remus said, bright and disturbingly chipper. “Food and water and boring old sleep, is that the verdict, teach?”

Logan blinked, jumping slightly. “I- you- what?”

“Food. Water. Sleep. Am I missing anything? He’s not dying and I’d like him to stay that way.”

Talking about him like he wasn’t even here - the audacity! Janus hissed lowly, tilting his head up enough to give Remus a glare. “ _ Remusss… _ ”

Remus (the abhorrent, underhanded traitor that he was) didn’t even look at him, instead responding by adjusting the hand on Janus’ back up ever so slightly - just enough to rub his thumb along the scales at the base of Janus’ neck, right where he knew would muddle Janus’ thoughts.

_ The bastard. _

“It’s a simple question, nerd! Is there anything else I need to know before we leave?”

Everyone started at that.

“Hold on hold on!” Thomas jumped to his feet, the hurt look on his face making a little pang in Janus’ chest. “You can’t- why would you leave?”

Janus averted his gaze before he did something stupid, like say he would stay when he wanted nothing more than to let Remus cart him back to the dark side and lock the door behind them.

“Hey Siri!” Remus snapped his fingers at Logan, cheery tone taking on a sharp edge. “Is he good? He’s not gonna start convulsing on me or some shit?”

“I- he-” Logan shook his head, making his glasses slightly crooked on his face. “Dehydration was the immediate concern, and as Janus is conscious and  _ mostly _ coherent-” Janus hissed rather loudly at that “-I do not believe there is a pressing threat to his health as of now, however I would suggest staying here where I can-”

“Right, got it!” Without warning Remus swept Janus up bridal-style and hopped to his feet, forcing Logan to scramble back out of the way. “Thanks for the friendly distress, ten out of ten. Snakey and I have evil plans to plot, so see ya next time!”

“Remus wai-”

Roman’s call was cut off by a delightfully empty quiet, the bright lights of Thomas’ living room replaced the hazy glow of the green orbs that hovered around the edges of Remus’ room.

Janus relaxed in Remus’ arms, breathing out a heavy sigh into the dark twin’s shoulder. “… You’re insssufferable.”

The words held no real bite, edging dangerously close to fond.

“You’re welcome.” Remus sat on the bed, wiggling a little as he kicked off his boots before swinging around to lean against the headboard, dragging the messy covers up over them.

Wordlessly he pulled a water bottle out of thin air, helping Janus hold it steady as he slowly drained the contents. When it was empty he tossed the bottle aside, settling them down properly on the bed, Janus more or less a dead weight on top of him.

“You good?”

Janus closed his eyes as Remus’ thumb returned to rubbing soft circles on the back of his neck. “Yeah. I just don’t… I don’t know how to…”

“I know.” Remus said, and Janus knew that he did know.

They sat in silence for several minutes, and Janus was just starting to drift off when Remus spoke again, so quiet that he wouldn’t have heard had he not been lying on Remus’ chest.

“You scared me, Jan.”

Janus’ chest flushed hot with guilt, stomach turning a little. “I… I’m sorry.”

Another full minute of silence.

“Don’t do that again Janny. Promise me you’ll get some fucking help. I don’t care how annoying or stupid the others are, you don’t just, you can’t  _ do _ that to me Jan…”

Janus really didn’t want to cry; his eyes already stung and it was hard enough to breathe as it was, but he felt tears building up despite. “I…” he swallowed. “I was scared.”

The admission was out, but no weight was lifted. If anything, the guilt only grew heavier.

“...I’m still scared.” He continued, words scarcely more than a soft puff of air against Remus’ neck. “I was scared no one would care. That they might even use it against me. And now I don’t know what they want or think and I can’t- I don’t-”

“Shush.” Remus ordered. He - somehow - tugged Janus even tighter against him. “Those light sides and their good consciences confuse the shit out of me too - don’t think too hard about it.”

They lay in silence for several minutes, Janus grimacing as his body decided to inform him, in detail, of every little ache and pain it had conjured up. His stomach was far from steady, but at least it wasn’t full-on churning like it had been earlier.

“Remus?” He said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I feel like shit.”

Remus snorted, and Janus could feel his smile as he pressed a kiss into Deceit’s hair. “Wow, Janny. I never would have guessed.”

Janus lifted a hand just enough to swat up in the direction of Remus’ face. “Bastard.”

“Aw, I love you too Jan-Jan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear gods i've procrastinated finishing this for so long. I have nothing to say for myself. Happy to have finally gotten it done tho :)


End file.
